HERO 3

Ever since she was a child she always had to be the best. The fastest, the most skilled, the best it was all she cared about. Her parents had been killed by thieves when she was a child and she was put in an orphanage. She escaped from there immediately and even though she was only 14 she knew that she would do everything she could to find the men who had done this to her. After three years of wandering taking any job she could and learning fighting styles from anyone who would teach her. After tree years she finally found the killers. She was walking through a shit hole town at night when she heard screams and the sound of a fight coming from a house. When she got there this pompous looking man walked out of the house holding his shoulder.
"I suppose you are not going to thank me either?" he said as he walked towards her, "I spend my time stopping criminals and what do I get nothing but grief. Can you believe the little bastard stabbed me? Fuck."
He kept walking and she entered the house the door fell of what remained of the hinges and she stepped in.
There was a child lying on the ground crying and holding the head of a woman and around the room bodies were lying. The faces she recognised as the men who had killed her parents except for one whom she assumed was the boy’s father. Looking at the bloodied remains of the bodies she felt sick this wasn't the vengeance she wanted or needed all this was is waste human life, taken in a heartbeat. It was at this moment she realised that she had to stop these bad people but they needed to be punished by the law death was a quick escape for these people. She left the house and staggered into the local bar and sat at a bar stool. "What will it be?" asked the barman.
"Just a water please" she said still shaking.
"Water? Don’t make me laugh kid order a real drink or get out"
"Fuck you, you provayer of mind destroying liquid. You'll get me water and you’ll like it or I'll tear your head from your shoulders."
"OK.OK. It’s probably better if you don’t drink." He mumbled as he hurried off to get her drink.
"You’re just the type of woman I am looking for" Said a rasping voice from beside her.
"I am sure I am you pervert. Now get lost before I call the law." she said turning to face the law officer who stood behind her.
"Sssorry officer I.... have been having a bad day", she said sighing.
"I am looking for new recruits and I like the cut of your gib," he said looking down at her.
"Gib" she said slightly confused, "Ok I'll do it."
Within a year she had made quiet a name for herself, tough but fair. It was almost a year to the day when she was out on patrol and heard a scream. She hurried in the direction of the sound and as she got to the house she heard a second scream. Kicking the door in, she saw a bottle of whiskey and the bodies of a man and a woman. A man stood with his back to her over the cowering form of a six year old boy. As the man turned the ball of her left foot connected with his chin sending him spinning into the wall. She pulled her knife and walked towards him.
He screamed and began clawing at the wall behind him.
"Please don’t kill me. Pleeease."
"Don’t worry scum bag I am taking you in. No one deserves death not even a worthless shit like you."
The six year old boy began to cry and scream that it was happening again.
"How does the same shit happen to the same kid two years in a row." he kept saying over and over again.
"Don’t worry kid everything is going to be fine you've nothing to worry about. I'm here to protect you. I'm sorry about your parents"
"You stupid bitch," the kid screamed "my parents are dead they died a year ago and I was left lying on the severed head of my mother, by a hero like you. Now for the second time I've nowhere to live and no future to look forward to. And you think that I've nothing to worry about. What the hell is wrong with you people?”
She stood there mouth opened staring at the kid, the same kid she had seen one year earlier and had instantly forgotten about.
"I'm sorry" she said, "It won’t happen again I will look after you. I'll take care of you from now on."
She was still staring at the kid when the killer got up and hit her on the back of the head with the whiskey bottle.
When she woke up the first thing she saw was the body of the boy impailed on the kitchen table. She picked up the bottle of whiskey, drank then puked and then drank some more.

HERO 2

My shoulder crashed against the door frame as I projectile vomited in the general direction of the toilet. As I caught my bleary eyed reflection in the mirror I noticed that I was covered in Blood. After a few moment of panic I realised it was not my own and the image of a beautiful girl appeared in my head. As I slumped to the floor I struggled to remember what had happened last night. Where is the girl and what had happened to her. As I lay there brief images skipped across the corners of my mind, faces I did not recognise and placed I did not think I had ever seen. Suddenly an image and a face come together and I was on my feet. Time to find out what had happened last night.
As I ran through the streets I could hear the people mutter as they saw the blood stains on my clothes but I didn’t have time to stop and change I felt that something bad had happened last night and I needed to get to the bottom of it. I arrived at a shit hole bar in the middle of the bad quarter of the city, this was the place and the face was that of the fat ass bar man. As I entered the bar I decided I needed this information fast.
As his lifeless body fell to the floor I stepped back and thought 'Shit maybe I over did it a little' but fuck he didn’t tell me everything but he gave me a name and that was a start. Unfortunately the name he gave me was of a big time mob boss who ran this side of town. 'Things are going to get messy' I said to myself but shit that's the best way for thing to go.
As I got to the mob bosses house I crushed the first guards head against the wall and head butted the second so hard it leaves a dent on one side of his face and I was pretty sure he was dead. I kicked in the door of the house and walked in.
The mob boss was sitting on a seat with a girl. I walked up, grasped her by the neck and squeezed until here eyeballs popped. Then covered in his girlfriends eyes I turned to the mob boss and grabbed him by the shirt.
"What happened to the girl I was with last night you piece of shit" I spat at him.
"What girl you crazy bastard, you went out with me. Got smashed and tried to get off with a transvestite when I pointed this out to you, you kicked the shit out of her then staggered out!"
I snapped his neck and got up. 'Shit' I thought 'I had better get home', I have been out all night and my mother will kill me. I can hear her now 'Malcolm look at the state of you I'm not cleaning those clothes and if you've hurt yourself you'll get no sympathy from me'
As I walk out the door I nearly fall over the girls body 'Fuck it' I pick up the body and drop kick it against the wall. "Ya that felt good" I say out loud as I walk out the door.

HERO

As the boy regained consciousness he looked at the bodies of his parents lying in the centre of the room, he couldn’t even scream his head hurt so much. He lay there while the men had stabbed his father and cut his mothers head clean off her body, as they laughed and joked.
The boy couldn’t understand why this had happened, his family was poor, had no money and didn’t even own the house. They had broken in late at night when he was sleeping. He had run to see what was happening his father had pushed him against the wall where he had hit his head. The men had killed his father first and then turned on his mother. Now he was the only one left, he had picked up his fathers knife and was holding it in front of him as the men approached.
"Well now, quiet the legends you guys are, four men against a five year old boy!" said a voice, "I bet you’ll be telling this story for years to come. Maybe I should even up the odds?"
As the men turned they died one by one before they could even raise there weapons.
"Don’t worry kid I'm Leon, Justice of the peace and distributor of justice. You have nothing to worry about any more." He said as he picked the kid up and started to walk out of the room.
"You stupid bastard," the kid screamed "my parents are dead I've nowhere to live and no future to look forward to. And you think that I've nothing to worry about any more. Why didn’t you come in earlier?"
"Well, I don’t think you know how things are. Still at least you can know that your parents have been avenged and that justice has been served. After all I couldn’t have killed those bad men until they committed a serious crime. So really your parents died for a good reason. I mean if I went around killing people that were about to commit crimes and had not committed them yet then I would be no better than a common vigilantly."
Leons eyes widened as the kids knife entered his shoulder. "Fuck" he screamed as he dropped the kid and started to walk out of the house. 'Aw well' thought Leon another victim who didn’t even have the manors to thank him for his work. He looked back as he walked out the door to see the kid lying on the floor, cradling something in his arms and crying. It was then he realised he had dropped the kid on the decapitated head of his mother.
‘Time to head home to my wife and kids, it's steak night and I want to make sure I get the biggest piece.’ Leon thought as he closed the remains of the front door and walked into the night.

The death of Ricardo part 3

As Kelly lay in the store room the others lay in different rooms experiencing the same intense paranoia. All except David Addison and M who sat in the sitting room. M lay on the couch eyes closed as David Addison paced in front of him.
"Well now M you appear to be more resistant to the drug than the rest of them. You see I had spiked all of Ricardo's alcohol, which is why I brought my own bottle of Merlot. I guess while I wait for you to succumb to the effects of the drug a bit of Monologing should pass the time. You see Ricardo and I were business acquaintances, we exported high quality extremely rare chemicals for personal use. I created them and Ricardo distributed them. We had it sweet the Spanish authorities had no idea who we were or even that we were creating the drugs in there country. However after I created my latest drug I needed someone to test it out on as Ricardo was away I felt it would be best to try its effects out on his lovely wife and children. I never liked them you know and they were always scheming to get rid of me. HA.HA” he laughed “that is to say I always dreamed of getting rid of them. Do you know his wife actually wanted an equal share in the profits?” he turned and looked at M, “Well of course you wouldn’t. Well after they died, painfully I might add Ricardo became shall we say a little upset and threatened to go to the cops. However firstly he decided to flee the country and ended up here. By a stroke of luck I stumbled across Roberts blog site which mentioned a man called Ricardo who had moved here from Spain under suspicious circumstances. Now all you people have to do is die and I can return to Spain and enjoy my new life.”
“I’m afraid that you won’t be enjoying your new life or for that matter any life at all” said a voice which sounded like M’s but infinitely more chilling.
“What….How…….Who” David Addison stuttered.
The man who had once been M laughed, “What am I doing? Well I’m going to kill you. How am I able to walk after your little drug! I have been filled full of drugs for my whole life as the idiot doctors tried to cure what they did not understand. Who am I. I’m X, take a good look as I will be the last thing you ever see.”
The next day the cops went back to investigate Ricardo’s murder scene and found every room in the house covered top to bottom in human blood. No bodies were ever found and no one was ever arrested.

Anti-Veg

The Anti-vegetarian society for the protection of mankind from it most dangerous enemy, nature.
This is an extract from the minutes of the Second annual general meeting. Lord Fondlebottom Fundleroy outlines some of the main problems there organization is facing in trying to drum up support for wiping out every animal on earth just in case they evolve beyond man kind.
"A complete failure is how I would describe it my learned brothers. Our slogan is not winning the hearts and minds of the people. It just doesn’t appeal to today’s youth. The idea of who would you choose 'a bunny or your family' has prompted a rival group called 'My Mommy before my bunny' to be set up as a counter to as they call us 'The Kill them all and let God sort it out organization'. Not even our campaign to convince the vegetarians that if all animals are dead we will all have to eat their crappy soy food has made a dent in the market.
Quiet literally our most important goal in our coming year is to increase membership and get our message out to more people. I do realize that membership is at an all time high but that is only because Finton's wife had a baby and frankly I would not describe 6 as an all time high."

THUMP

'THUMP'
The man woke suddenly and jammed on the brakes. He jumped from the car and raced to the side of the road. He prayed he would see a dog or a badger but he knew only one creature makes that noise when it’s hit by a car. After a moments search he found the body of the man he had struck.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he chants as he looks at the crumpled body of his victim.
The man coughs blood and his eyes roll. The driver notices his hand is missing, an old wound unrelated to the accident. The driver picks up the mans wallet and a picture falls out it’s of a boy and his father the cop. As the man realises he killed a cop and made a boy fatherless he cries and the man dies.

He had been following the girl for almost an hour now. Her red hair flowed as she walked the streets of the town.
"Bitch" he mutters, "No one will stand in my way. I must find him no matter what it takes"
As the girl walks into the alley which leads to her house the man gets closer. When she puts her key in the door he moves in pushing her through and knocking her to the ground. He closes the door and turns on her, failing to see the bruses which cover her face.
"Where is he you bitch" he screams as he hits her.
"I don’t know, I don’t know" she cries as he hits her again and again with his artificial hand.
She is knocked unconscious but he continues to hit her. "I must find him, I have to find him” he is saying as she dies.

She had fixed his favourite dinner, wore her best dress and had her red hair tied up just the way he liked it but every inch of her being screamed 'run' as she heard his key enter the lock.
He had hit her again last night and had kept hitting her until she lost consciousness. They had been together for almost two years and every time she brought up the idea of having a family he had gotten upset but he had never hit her before last week. She loved him and thought that he loved her, but last week it had all changed. They had mentioned children only once before that night he had dismissed it out of hand and told her never to bring it up again. But she had really wanted children, her sisters daughter was three and a constant source of joy to her. She had decided to approach her partner so they could work through whatever issues he had together. He had become more and more angry as she pressed him and she was stunned when his hand struck her face. He had hit her back handed and walked from the room. He had barely spoken to her since then and it was last night that she had decided to apologise to him. She had grown angry by his constant attempt to dismiss it and she pressed for a reason for his violence.
As he walked into the room he had tears in his eyes he walked up to her and opened his mouth. She looked into his clear blue eyes and saw the glint of the knife in her hand as it plunged into his throat.

Two years ago to the day the man had been on patrol, his first day working for the security firm that protected almost every house in the neighbourhood. He had seen a suspicious looking man with one hand enter an apartment. His partner had said he was going in for a closer look and had been gone for a long time. As he heard a shot ring out he had sprung from his car and ran to the door. The door opened and he saw a gun. He fired two shots chest high on the door and the body of a six year old boy crumpled to the ground. The car next door backfired for the second time.

The five year old child had been playing with his favourite toy his plastic gun, on his grandparent’s farm when he noticed the door of the shed was open. As he walked in he accidentally hit the start button on the shredding machine. He began throwing sticks and stones into the machine and eventually it jammed as his watch slipped from his wrist into the machine he had climbed upon it to try to get it out. It was at this moment that his father the cop walked in still wearing his uniform.
"Hold up little man" he said picking the boy off his perch, "I'll get that."
"You know better than to go near this machine." he said as he reached into get his sons watch, "I could never live with myself if you got hurt"
As he pried the watch from the machine his sleeve got caught and his hand was almost completely ripped off.
As he lay holding the remains of his hand in his lap and his son screamed in fear, he saw an image of the man who would kill him. After being asleep at the wheel he sat on the road side crying over a picture of a cop and his son.

The Death of Ricardo part 2

As Kelly contemplated what had happened he couldn’t help but curse. 'I don’t believe the cops think I had something to do with some dead Spanish guy. I have to sort this shit out.'
He quickly contacted his fellow suspects except for X who wanted no part of it and arranged for them to meet at Ricardo's house.
By the time M and David Addison arrived, Rob and Kelly were already in the house. They met at the front door just in time to see Daly tear up the drive way and handbrake into a space.
"How the hell did ye get into the house?" he asked.
"The window was open" Kelly said "If your window is open anyone can enter your house."
"Kelly broke the widow with a rock" said Rob.
"Accidentally." screamed Kelly "I was merely knocking on the door to see if anyone was home"
"Except by door you mean window and by knocking mean throwing a rock at it." Mewsed Rob.
"Ah who gives a shit lets get inside” stated Kelly.
As they walked in Davit Addison smoked his pipe and sipped on a glass of Merlot. As M entered the room he scoffed.
"I fucking hate Merlot" he said as he brushed past David Addison to take a seat in the corner.
They all took a seat and Kelly began to out line there problem and they discussed the one line comment on a blog which had lead to this problem. This soon degraded into an argument.
"Twelve angry men" Daly said.
"Ya but there are only 5 of us?" stated Kelly.
"No. I'm like twelve angry men" Daly said "I have a fucking sangich at home I could be eating, instead I am here listening to you dick heads."
"Hey I'm just stoked that it wasn't me who was killed" said rob "I had this weird feeling that some one was going to kill me. 'Oh well luck someone else and not me' I always say."
"I have never heard you say that" said M.
"'Oh well luck someone else and not me'. That’s twice M" taunted Rob.
"Ok this isn’t helping, let’s try to figure out what we can do to sort this mess out." stated Kelly "Does anyone know if there is any way to get us out of this."
"Well" laughed David Addison "I think us sitting in side the murdered guy’s house after breaking in, is not the best way to get out of this."
"It's ok the window was open" said Kelly.
"No it wasn't" screamed Daily "You broke the window and even if it was open you cannot enter a house if a window is open. If that was true you would have every scumbag in the area in your house every time you wanted to open a window."
"This house is damned" said a voice.
"Who said that?" Kelly asked.
"I didn’t hear anything" said M looking around.
Kelly thought that he saw a figure in the kitchen and ran in, but found no one. He walked outside but still found no one. When he walked back into the sitting room everyone else was crowded around the liquor cabinet.
"What the fuck" screamed Kelly, "You’re stealing the booze?"
"Well we did just break in?" stated David Addison.
"Fuck ya give me a bottle of something expensive" laughed Kelly.
As the hours passed the lads got more and more drunk. David Addison bumped into the table and the lads burst out laughing.
"Oh well luck someone else and not me". shouted Rob" That’s three times M. Wwaaa."
Kelly staggered into the kitchen and looked out the window. He could swear that he saw someone at the end of the garden.
Later that night Kelly lay on the store room floor and could only think 'Oh my God he’s in my head’. I have to get out, even if I have to eat my way out!.

The Death of Ricardo

As Ricardo looked out the window of his new house he reflected on his life up until now. His hasty flight from Spain left him little time to come to terms with what had happened to him over the last number of months. But now he was settling in to a picturesque part of the Irish countryside and was beginning to enjoy the life of an Irish man. He had just spent his fist day drinking and his first night puking. ‘Beautiful’ he said to himself ‘such a simple way to pass time but it sure beats doing nothing’. He stood there for a while trying to figure out if that statement made any sense or if he was still intoxicated from the night before. It was while he was doing this that he thought he saw a figure at the end of the garden. It was evening and the light was fading fast but he was sure he had seen something. He put on his coat and hat, got a torch from the cupboard and went out to investigate. As he got to the end of the garden he looked around and finding nothing he decided it was a false alarm and turned to go back to the house. As the light from his torch passed the tree he thought he saw an arm but when he looked back there was nothing there. Ricardo decided to return to the house, as he walked towards the front door he decided that he was being paranoid. He was still a little unused to having so much space around him his only neighbor was a collage student named Robert. As he walked into the kitchen he noticed a 5 euro note on the ground. ‘Score’ he said and bent down to pick it up, it was at this moment that the figure walked up behind him and struck him on the back of the head.
The next day Robert was out for his daily jog and noticed the front door of his neighbor’s house was wide open. “Oh yes” said Robert aloud that bastard Ricardo owes me a cup of sugar and now’s my chance to get it back.” Robert walked in to the kitchen and opened the door to the store room and discovered what police later told him was Ricardo.
Robert called the police and they sealed off the house and a detective walked over to question Rob.
“What happened to his face” asked Rob.
“Apparently he tried to bite through his own face to escape whoever killed him. Damnedest thing the coroner is still puking his guts up after seeing it.”
“This house is haunted” said Rob.
“HAHA. Shut up kid” said the detective “Ricardo has just moved into this house and you’re the only suspect. Have you spoken to anyone about Ricardo?”
“Well I mentioned him on a blog on the internet. But wasn’t he from Spain? Maybe he was in some trouble…”
“SHUT UP KID. I don’t fuckin tell you how to study you don’t tell me how to detect. Now all of your internet friends are suspects too. See how that works?” sneered the detective.
Over the next few weeks the cops checked everyone and disregarded anyone with an alibi. Sabe and Jessie are in another country, Ian had been erased from existence by his hair a week or two before and the hair had been out on a date with an attractive woman. Leaving only Robert, Kelly, M, X, Daly and David Addison for the police to question further.

A soldier, a killer and a fool part 3

“Ah Bey another glorious day being me” Bey said aloud. He had just finished his third chicken and was now ready for his main meal which was roast pig stuffer with two kinds of smaller pig. Bey believed in the three basic food groups, which is to say he believed in eating three of everything. As he sat in his luxury suite in the Imperial palace he thought back to his illustrious child hood and how his father had always told him that if he kept eating he was destined for greatness. Or as he put it “Son you keep eating like that and you will be huge when you grow up” It was soon after this that his father was killed by ghosts. His mother had come to him in the night and told him that his father had been killed by stampeding ghosts from a neighboring farm. This not only made him fear that ghosts were real and could kill humans but it also made him fear these farmers who apparently grew ghosts.
As the years past he stayed in side a lot he hadn’t seen a ghost in his house yet and so was pretty sure that they couldn’t get him there. While there he concentrated on making sure his father’s predictions of greatness came true. He was about ten when his family decided that he needed help and sent him to a private school. It was here that he first met the emperor. Although he had heard some people say that the inbreeding in the emperor’s family had made him ‘weak in the head’. Bey had always found the emperor level headed and wise. He had shared his knollage of ghosts with the emperor and they had decided that they must stick together to destroy this menace. The emperor always insisted in staying up all night, he had said it was the only way to catch these ghosts. This of coarse meant that neither of them had time for school work they would have both failed there final exam but the emperor had all the teachers executed as traitors the day before the final exam as they had tried to fool him into believing that ghosts did not exist. He had then ordered the new teachers to graduate both Bey and himself as top of the class.
As an educated man Bey had been involved in many of the emperor’s key decisions such as the giant flag which now hung from the palace walls. Bey had informed the emperor of how important the flag would be in such events as if they got lost in the city and needed to find the palace or if the citizens ever needed to know what there flag looked like. However it was not until the great ghost hunt or the war with Kalor as it was now called that the true value of the flag was revealed.
It was soon after graduation that Bey had head one of the palace guard’s comment on the herds of ghosts in the countryside. Bey had informed the emperor and he assembled his army. As was the emperors policy they marched at night and had in fact walked through the army of Kalors camp before one of the emperors generals pleas finally made the emperor wipe out the invading army before continuing there search. After two nights with out success the emperor decided to turn for home, as he did not trust his soldiers the emperor him self decided to lead his soldier’s home. After four more nights the army was in ruins they had no food or water and could not see the city in the dark it was dawn after the fourth night that Bey suddenly remembered the flag. The emperor and he both looked around and sure enough they could see the flag 200 meters behind the city wall. Mistaking the city wall for a cliff they had been camped behind it for two nights.

Laughing to himself Bey finished his meal, put an emergency leg of chicken in his pocket and went to meet the emperor. He told the guard that ‘the emperor does not wish to be disturbed’. They had been speaking for a few minutes when the emperors other advisor Chen walked in carrying a sword covered in blood. Bey had never liked Chen who had often referred to Bey as a fool.
“What is the meaning of this” the emperor said. Bey began backing away from the emperor.
As the emperor and Chen spoke Bey grabbed the talisman at his neck and threw it at Chen’s feet.
“It will take more than your lucky charm to stop me” Chen said as he looked at the hunk of metal at his feet, it was while he was looking at this that Bey stepped in Screamed “WHO THE FOOL NOW” and stabbed Chen in the jugular with the chicken leg he had been saving for later. As Chen’s lungs filled with blood the emperor outlined his new plan.
“We invade the west” the emperor said.
Chen was baffled “Isn’t that mainly ocean sir”.
“Exactly” said the emperor, “Who has heard of ghosts living under water. I am making you a General and once we have beaten the fish army or whatever they have I will move my palace there,”
As Bey ran to carry out the emperors wishes he fell over the body of a young guard.
“I should have that moved before someone gets hurt” said Bey and hurried off to find the army.

A soldier, a killer and a fool part 2

Chen’s forehead touched the ground as he prayed before the tree of life. He had come here since he was a child at times when he needed to think. It was a place of great peace where you could feel the presence of God. The tree of life was a singular tree in the middle of the desert no water was presents no other vegetation of any kind near it, a spec of luscious green in the middle of the dead sand. It was said that this was the tree from the Garden of Eden which held the forbidden fruit. Of course he did not believe this but there was something about this place which always calmed him.
He had come here more and more often of late as he neared the end of his plans. His whole life had been dedicated to this moment from the day he had gone into hiding after his father was killed by the emperor. But today all his plans were about to reach fruition.

As a child he had been raised by a series of Merchants who were loyal to his father. They each educated him and thought him to fight, each instilling in him a deep need for revenge. When he was old enough he began to put in to effect plans which had been drawn up for him since he was a child. With the aid of several wealthy merchants he became one of the richest men in Barin and tales began spreading of his incredible skills with money. It wasn’t long before the Emperor began investing money with him and soon an invitation to the palace arrived. When he first met the emperor he had to use every ounce of his strength not to kill the man right then and there. But he knew he didn’t want to just kill the emperor he wanted to destroy him.
The emperor was impressed and after a few years he became the emperor’s advisor along with that fat fool Bey. Bey was always mumbling to himself, falling over things and generally making a fool of himself. Chen couldn’t figure out how he had graduated top of the class in the local school. He was further proof of the emperor’s stupidity a useless oaf who constantly carried a hunk of metal around his neck. Chen had once asked him what it does and Bey simple said it makes bad things disappear.
As Chen left the tree of life and returned to the city he looked at the countryside its people were poor and many of them were starving. The city of Barin was wealthy but the countryside was dying, high taxes were crippling the farmers. Chen knew that it was time for a change. His men had been assassinating key supporters of the emperor and destroying key buildings for weeks now and tonight the emperor would be assassinated. He had made sure that the emperor was guarded by two incompetent guards, an almost crippled old man and a boy who had newly join the guards. He would arrive only in time to avenge the emperor’s death, with Bey to witness this he would then step into the emperor’s place and restore order to the empire.
He arrived at the palace, met his assassins and told them to proceed with the plan. He followed them at a discrete distance and turned the corner to the throne room in time to see his second assassin get killed by the boy Guard.
“Bravo who knew that a child like you could actually kill two trained assassins?” Chen Said, “What a bother I guess I will have to kill the Emperor the hard way.”
As the boy went into a fighting crouch Chen drew his sword and with out stopping killed him and walked towards the throne room.
The emperor and Bey were talking and looked up at Chen who still had a blood covered sword in his hand.
“What is the meaning of this” the emperor said. Bey began backing away from the emperor.
“I was hoping we could avoid all this,” Chen said, “but due to an overly stubborn boy I am afraid I will be killing you myself. Before you die know that you may have defeated Kalor’s army but her soldiers fight on.”
“You’ll never get away with this the people of Barin will hunt you down” Said the emperor his voice had begun to quiver and lacked his usual authority.
“I don't think that they will, you see the way I saw it Bey killed you and I could only avenge your death” It was at this moment that Bey’s hunk of metal landed on the floor between the emperor and himself.
“It will take more than your lucky charm to stop me” was the last thing Chen ever said.

A soldier, a killer and a fool part 1

Donni awoke with a start, his dreams had been getting worse over the last number of days. This had all started when he had gotten his promotion or perhaps when he first heard the rumors of rebel attacks? Of course the rumors were officially dismissed as accidents or the act of lone religious fanatics but some thing just didn’t feel right.
He got out of bed and looked out side the dawn sky was an amazing color of purple and he could see the people of Barin were starting to go about there daily tasks. From his home he could see the giant flag the emperor had hanging from the Palace walls.
He had lived in Barin his whole life, always in the shadow of the empirical palace, always dreaming of some day working for the emperor. He had decided at the age of five that he would be a soldier, he had carried a stick every where he went as a child practicing his parries and lunges. He had told his mother it was a walking stick as she hated violence and wished him to become a fish monger like his father. He helped his father by day and practiced his sword fighting by night he challenged his friends and enemies to matches and soon began to run out of both. By the age of fifteen he could best any other child in the city and had no one to spar against as even the older children would not challenge him. Undeterred he continued to practice on his own determined to be the best so that one day he could save the emperor’s life.
The emperor was the savior of Barin, Gods envoy to mortals, the bane of evil, champion of justice and defender of the tree of life. In his first year of power the emperor had destroyed there evil neighbors of Kalor. They had plotted to destroy Barin and enslave its people for years but thanks to the emperor that would never happen. He had smashed there armies in a battle 20 miles north of the tree of life and declared Kalor to be part of his empire.
Now was Donni’s chance to begin to repay the emperor for his greatness. After only 6 months in the empirical guard he had been selected to be one of the emperor’s body guards. He had been informed of his new position by Chen one of the emperors two assistants. Donni had never liked Chen and didn’t know why the emperor had such an aloof and arrogant man as one of his advisors but Donni knew the emperor new best. The emperors other assistant Bey was also unusual in Donni’s eyes. A man of large appetite and sluggish movement, he carried a large piece of metal around his neck at all times and it was said that it warded off evil spirits.
Donni finished getting ready and set off towards the throne room. As he walked through the palace he thought of his new position and the fact that he might have to kill some one and he wondered if he would be able to do it. To take a human life to end a persons existence, to destroy that persons dreams with the flick of his wrist. He was still thinking of this as he took his post outside the emperor’s throne room.
“The emperor does not wish to be disturbed” the other guard had told him. He had never seen the other guard before, ‘the man must be in his fifties at least’ he thought, ‘What an odd paring we must be the oldest and youngest guards in the palace. What are the odds of us being pared like this?’
It was as he was thinking this that the two men in black appeared from nowhere in front of them.
“The emperor does not wish to be…….” Was all the other guard got to say as a knife appeared in his left eye socket.
Donni drew his sword and thought ‘this is it.’
He went in to his fighting crouch as the two assassins attacked him, he easily parried there attacks before stabbing the first assassin in the chest before driving his sword through the second mans mouth into his brain.
With both assassins dead Donni dried his sword on one of there shirts and said out loud “I guess killing some one isn’t that hard after all”
It was then he heard clapping and turned to see the emperor’s advisor Chen walk in to view.
“Bravo who knew that a child like you could actually kill two trained assassins. What a bother I guess I will have to kill the Emperor the hard way.”
Donni went into his crouch and was still in it as Chens sword slit his throat. As Donni struggled to stem the flow of life blood from his neck he watched as Chen entered the throne room. He lay there for a few moments as the blood flowed from him and his last thought was ‘Maybe being a fish monger would not have been a bad life’. As his eyes closed it felt as if the world shook at his passing.

Part Three

“God damn it” I screamed as I desperately tried to defend myself from the constant attacks of an annoying and obviously demonically possessed insect.
“Fuck I thought, I hate the summer all it does is bring forth legions of unholy insects to pester and bite me”.
In a desperate attempt to escape this hell spawned menace I dived into the nearest shop. As I looked around the room in which I found myself I couldn’t help but think ‘Ah me thinks fate has lead me to this location for a reason. Perhaps I should search this establishment for some adult entertainment’. Luckily for me I had ended up in HMV which did infact hold in stock adult movies. I walked upstairs and had a look around until I found my desired section.
To my eternal anoyment there was someone standing in the middle of the section. Even the back of this persons head annoyed me.
‘What’s the point in looking at porn if I cannot view A to Z’ I thought.
I decided the only honorable way out of this situation would be to walk up to this person and obeying the rules of gentlemanly conduct gradually nudge him until he was standing in front of the kiddies section which was conveniently right beside the porn section.
I walked up beside this person planted my feet and prepared my self for one of the all time great shoulders when suddenly this person turned looked at me and said
“Ah dumdum I see you are still remembering to breath. You must be more intelligent than you look, act or sound”
As I gazed at this persons face I suddenly realized where I had seen him before, it was the asshole who had taken my copy of Gardening plus a few weeks earlier. Sheathing with rage I stood there glaring at him.
“Ah” he said coughing,” I see that although you are still breathing you appear to have forgotten how to speak. God you really are a dingbat”.
“Ha” I screamed “Dingbats are extinct” I turned and ran out of the building.
I always felt that the only true way to win an argument was to get the last word in.
As I emerged from HMV I was once more accosted by my flying insectoid nemesis. After throwing a few quick swats at it I dived through the nearest open door.
I quickly looked around and thought ‘damn who knew that HMV has two doors’
“Out of my way you blithering idiot. “Said the annoying looking man as he pushed me aside.
“That’s it” I shouted “you are going down”.
I ran outside to finally obliterate this abomination of humanity.
“What now you moron” he said turning to face me.
I went into a crouch, clenched my fist, closed my eyes and with the force of a Mac 10 being fired at point blank range I swung my fist at this asshole. As I felt the satisfying crunch you only get with a fist impacting a human torso… I couldn’t help but think that this was not going my way. I opened my eyes and looked up at the 6 foot pile of walking muscle who had some how stepped between my intended victim and I. Strange I thought he actually looks like a cross between Mr. T and Arnie only meaner.
“You are dead meat” he rumbled.
‘Shit’ I thought ‘time to get medieval on his ass’
With a lightening uppercut and a kick to the groin I found myself lying face down on the ground. ‘Damn’ I thought ‘he is fast and strong, it looks like this is going to take something special to finish’. I looked around the area and say a brick wall about six paces away from me. ‘Oh yes’ I thought as my mind raced like Linford Christy being chased by a rabid goat, ‘Hears the plan I get up run to the wall if he is close behind me I run up the wall do a back flip and then landing behind him deliver one of the all time great punches to the back of the head driving his face into the wall rendering him unconscious. If he was a little too far behind me for this I would use the wall to execute a spin kick to the jaw rendering him unconscious’. ‘Gold’ I screamed as I leapt to my feet and with every ounce of strength sprinted towards the wall. It was at this moment that I realized two things. One I had no idea where my opponent was and two wasn’t the wall only six paces away.
As my skull cannoned against the wall my whole life flashed before my eyes this event was extremely short which depressed the hell out of me.
As I opened my eyes to look into a paramedics face I mumbled” Where is the bastard”
“Oh apparently he walked off” he said “a witness said that the sight of a grown man running face first into a brick wall was too much for him”.
‘Oh yes’ I thought ‘although it was a little unorthodox Victory Kelly’
As they lifted me on to the stretcher that fly reappeared ‘Your next’ I thought I closed my eyes, summoned my remaining strength , clenched my fist, closed my eyes and with the force of a Mac 10 being fired at point blank range I swung my fist at this offending insect. As I felt the satisfying crunch you only get with a fist impacting on a human face I thought ‘I didn’t know hitting a fly felt like that’.
As I was loaded on to the ambulance to the background scream of a familiar woman’s voice saying “That bastard just punched my daughter in the face ….Again” I couldn’t help but feel that this had been one of my better trips to town.

Sunday Mornings

As my eyes opened my brain felt the searing pain which could only be the result of natural light. I didn’t know where my wallet was nor my phone, in fact I was pretty sure I didn’t know where I was! I thought perhaps having one for the road should be grounds for summery execution.
As my eyes finally focused after many aborted attempts I confirmed that yes in fact I didn’t know where I was. Still after a quick check I confirmed no visible wounds or missing limbs and so declared the night before an unmitigated success. Still as I struggled to sit up I couldn’t help but feel there was something a miss? Here I was sitting in a field looking at an abandoned single roomed house. Not my usual Sunday morning! Still the fact that I could sit up was an advantage over most Sundays.
A few more minutes pasted by as I struggled to piece together the shattered remains of my memories of last night. I suddenly noticed a young woman lying roughly 100 meters up the field. ‘She is wearing more clothing then I like,’ I thought but perhaps she can help me figure out where the hell I am and how I got here?
As I struggled to my feet I noticed that she was also getting up. She was quiet attractive but had a slightly sneering expression, but I did notice that she had her good points.
“H..hello” I slurred struggling to keep my balance. “I appear to be a little lost and am unsure how I got here. Could you per chance enlighten me?”
“House” she said.
“Ahhhhhh, not quiet sure what you are trying to tell me” I said.
“House” she said again pointing to the abandoned house in the corner of the field.
Without another word she started walking towards it. With nothing left to do and the chance off falling down a distinct possibility I decided to follow.
“Not really a talker are you?” I said as we walked. “Perhaps we should walk away from the strange looking abode. The opposite direction looks quiet nice”.
“House” she said again.
“God damn it woman what the hell is wrong with you all I want is some civilized coherent conversation about what the hell is going on and all I get from you is HOUSE. This is just great I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere with a woman who has the linguistic abilities of an intoxicated monkey”.
She simply ignored me and continued to walk. When we reached the house we could see it had stood for quiet a number of years. It had Stone walls, a mud floor and no evidence of any windows.
“Hallo” I shouted which eared me an evil look from my companion.
What I said as she walked into the house. As we looked in side the house we noticed there was evidence that some one had been there recently. A half eaten chicken leg and some rags ‘Could be a hobo’ I thought? ‘Or an escaped lunatic?’
Suddenly I heard a noise from outside. I rushed out only slightly behind my female companion and turned to hear foot steps walking along the side of the house. I crept up to the corner where the footsteps were approaching.
‘I don’t know what is walking towards us but there is no way I am going down without a fight’ I thought as I hear the person approach the corner. I went into a crouch, clenched my fist, closed my eyes and with the force of a Mac 10 being fired at point blank range I swung my fist at this unknown enemy. As I felt the satisfying crunch you only get with a fist impacting on a human face I thought ‘oh ya lets see you chop me up with an axe after this you escaped lunatic?’ When I opened my eyes I was shocked to discover that a six year old girl now lay sprawled out on the ground.
My first thought was that I should really aim my punches higher as that one would merely have hit a fully grown axe welding lunatic in the chest and my second was how the hell did a six year old girl get out here?
“What the hell are you doing you idiotic moron how the hell does a simpleton like you even remember to breath?” said a voice from behind me. I was shocked to realize that it was the voice of my female companion.
“Wha..”I said.
“Is that all you have to say for yourself” She shouted, “ you just punched my six year old girl in the face and you can think of nothing better to say then WHA.”
“Ahhh” I muttered.
“Ahhh” she mimicked “Suddenly you have the linguistic abilities of an intoxicated monkey? What in the hell is wrong with you?”
“I thought you didn’t talk?” Which at that moment I felt would have been a good think.
“I didn’t say anything earlier because I had just woken up in a field, my daughter was missing and a drunken idiot was staggering towards me staring at my chest”
“Oh right I was just checking to see if you were all in one piece”
“Yes and we both know what piece you mean. I’m taking my daughter in side to clean her up do you think you can work on figuring out where we are?”
‘Gods’ I thaught ‘I punch one six year old in the face and suddenly I’m the bad guy’
Still perhaps a little exploring will help clear my head. As I walked away from the house I heard an ear shattering screem of terror from inside. I turned and ran in the door to see……….

As my eyes opened my brain felt the intense pain which could only be the result of artifical light. I didn’t know where my wallet was nor my phone, in fact I was pretty sure I didn’t know where I was! On second thaught I realized I was still in the toilet of the pub. ‘Shit’ I thaught ‘mabe I should head home’ but on second thoughts perhaps I should have one for the road?

Trip to town

I noted as I drove into town that this day was going pretty well. An early start, a good breakfast, I had found 10 euro on the ground beside my car and now I was going into town to purchase my favorite monthly adult magazine.
As I swung into the area where I normally park I could have sworn I saw a dingbat fly past. Preposterous I thought I’m pretty sure they are extinct. I parked my car in the usual spot and proceeded to strut from one side of Cruises Street to the other. I soon grew tired of the strange looks the bog brained teenagers were throwing me and decided to complete my errands and leave town before things turned out as they usually did.
Humming to myself I imagined the pleasure I would soon receive from my up and coming purchase and made my way to the shop which held my prize. As soon as I reached it I headed for the back shelf where upon the top shelf my magazine lay. As I walked to the shelf I was almost knocked over by an extremely annoying looking man who simply walked on.
“Retard” I said and then noticed that he had walked over to the shelf which held my magazine and had picked up the only copy.
“Excuse me but you appear to have picked up my magazine” I said confident in the knollage that as soon as he realized his mistake he would hand it over.
“Oh I’m sorry” he said smiling. Gods I thought he really does have an annoying face.
“But I think a bumbling moron like yourself does not deserve a magazine of this quality. Perhaps a filthy shite as you obviously are can make do with a coloring book or some other item which better suits someone of your intelligence.”
Seething with rage I thought “beat him” but soon dismissed this as pointless and a little lude. Instead I went into a crouch, clenched my fist, closed my eyes and with the force of a Mac 10 being fired at point blank range I swung my fist at this asshole. As I felt the satisfying crunch you only get with a fist impacting on a human face I thought who is the protagonist now? When I opened my eyes I was shocked to discover that a six year old girl had inadvertently walked between my intended victim and my fist and she now lay sprawled out on the floor.
In the few moments I had before the inevitability of her parents taking turn to pummel me into a bloody mess I couldn’t help but wonder why every trip into town ended this way?

After some unpleasantness I finally made good my escape and returned to my car only to discover that some witless dumdum had boxed me in. I took a moment then to reflect on how bad my day had become. My reflection was interrupted as the owner of the offending car returned. I turned to glare and perhaps shout a profanity or two when I noticed it was that same annoying asshole from earlier.
He looked at me and said “Ah dumdum I see you are going home to mommy. I didn’t think they let bumbling morons like you drive?”
Incursion I thought as I walked towards him. I looked him square in the eyes and said “Fin” turned laughing I walked away.
It was only after a dozen or so steps that I realized two things.
One I actually wanted to go home and I was now walking away from my car.
And two I still didn’t really know what Fin meant?
As I paused to ponder my latest predicament I couldn’t help but think that all of this could have been avoided if only Eason’s stocked more than one copy of Gardening plus!